Category: Skin ish Mom Column

Hi #SkinishMom:

I’m so upset, holiday is supposed to be fun and relaxing right? But it never turned out that way. If we actually go for a holiday, I’d end up packing everyone’s bags, planning the itinerary, cleaning up the home and the dirty clothes. That’s still not the worse part. The worse is when we actually stay at home and entertain guests – gosh, my spouse and I would always end up quarreling and tension run sky-high. What’s up with hols, is it just me?

So-not-liking-holiday-Mom

It is so nooorrrrmal (yawn). It happens all the time – my theory?

Theory of Failing Expectations

When we are up to our neck dealing with a regular workday, we don’t have time to quarrel. My guess is no one in the family has had the time to even look (like really look and appreciate the other person, as opposed to Yo, Where are my socks?) at each other, let alone talk. If you don’t have time to talk, you can’t quite quarrel.

But on a holiday, especially one where you stay at home – you’d have started a long weekend with the hope of getting your own stuff done (sorting photos, getting that manicure, baking a new recipe) but by the time you reach the middle of your break, you realized that it’s so not going to happen. Instead, you have to rush to the grocery store to get ready for the home party, clean up the house for the guests (and the thought of cleaning up after is already killing you), cook and then pretend to be the calm hostess while inside, you’re screaming everyone’s head off. Then the quarrel and tension come whenever it’s just you and your spouse – blaming about not doing fair share of work, mostly.

I came across other interesting theories too:

Narcissism of Small Differences (from the Atlantic)

This theory is from Sigmund Freud that small differences among people who are similar lead to them being hostile to each other. So family members who are similar tend to be hostile over a minor difference like which candidate to vote for!

Jealousy

Survey showed that jealousy is the common reason why most couples quarreled during vacation, because the men had wondering eyes for other women! Others were worried over everyday issues (finance) or wanted to be in control of what to do during the vacation.

Exhaustion

This is a given. Do not associate holidays with rest. Full-day, 24/7 care for your kids (school and alternative caregivers like your parents are having holidays, remember?) is bound to lead to exhaustion. No afternoon coffee breaks and gym workouts at lunch will upset you more than you think. Exhaustion is one of the key reasons why couples quarrel on holiday and when you think of it, it’s not just physical exhaustion. It’s mental as well – exerting mind control over your eczema child to pleeaaase moisturize and your hubby to just clean that up!

It’s the June/ summer holidays – be mindful of the above, lower your expectations on what can be accomplished during this ‘break’, do less and consider not meeting people who will set you off. No excuses for the men with lustful eyes for other ladies; if you happen to be with one during your vacation, dump him and your baggage be lighter!

Heading off for a coffee break and trying not to let all the bad long weekends and hols get to me,

#SkinishMom

To : The #SkinishMom

My husband kept saying that I’m nagging – nagging about my eczema child’s skincare (you know how we have to moisturize within 3 minutes after shower?), nagging about housework, nagging about doing things faster (we have loads of things to do, can’t possibly be doing slower right?). Am I really nagging? I thought I’m just talking – since when my words become ‘nags’?

Waiting-to-be-‘Naglightened’-Mom

I totally empathize. and mystified. Why do men keep saying that their wives are nagging, when we’re just talking? So I did a bit of digging to see if there’s any science I can find about nagging.

• Nagging is defined as persistent and repeated requests that increases in frequency as the request is not fulfilled.
• Nagging is a sign of love – we don’t nag at our boss, our co-workers, maybe not even our parents or kids, only at our spouse.
• The nagger is usually the one who feel responsible about the subject – so, that’s why women nag about chores but not about soccer.
• Nagging is a sign of not trusting that the requests will be met. It’s no surprise given that nagging turned the guy off and he intentionally didn’t want to do what you want him to do.

There is a lack of science in this area – I researched online and found a study that’s often misreported as men can be nagged to death. Actually, the conclusion was more like both men and women in demanding relationships were associated with increased death risk. This would not be surprising – chronic stress is reflected on our skin so it’s natural to assume it’d affect other parts of our body.

So bottom line, what’s a woman gonna do about her man, her supposed nagging and the negative spill-offs from being thought she’s nagging?

#SkinishMom anecdotes:

#1 First ask yourself – Do you really want him to do it or is it easier if you just do it? Put aside equality of sexes and fairness, and consider seriously. If you can answer no and yes, just do it yourself. And read on.

#2 Put aside negativity – you want to be appreciated for doing it all, not being hated for nagging you’ve done it all. Decide today to be a smart woman – smart in getting your man to love you, not hate you.

#3 Think of what your man wants – appreciation is my guess. Being made to feel like a man in the home, being admired by his spouse. Heck. I know you want the same from him. Men are dumb – give him what he wants first and the aha moment is more likely to hit him to do the same for you.

#4 Actually give your man what he wants – appreciation, in many forms (including but not limited to!) hugs, kisses, praise, touch, praise in front of your kid, sex, praise in front of his family, surprise gifts, praise in front of his friends/co-workers.

#5 If he hadn’t done something you want (not what you were nagging him about, something else- like a present, a cheesecake, a coffee machine, a iPadAir2), tell him POINT BLANK what you want.

#6 Be delighted by your man – he ‘surprises’ you with the thing you want, you’re ‘surprised’ and delighted. He’s delighted that you’re delighted not remembering it’s not a surprise (or not even crossing his mind that a non-surprise is an issue on the scale of ‘delightedness’).

#7 Witness positive change – 1. You didn’t nag (cos you did it all yourself), 2. You no longer see an annoyed look from him (cos there’s nothing he’s annoyed about), 3. He’s happy (cos you actually did something for him and appreciated him), 4. You’re happy cos finally, your husband is showing his love and appreciation.

Notice how easily the requests you were trying to get him to do fall out of the picture? Notice how kids don’t even come into the picture?

That’s the #SkinishMom way of handling nagging – if anyone has a better way, please do share! Since men are universally the same (o.w. why do books like Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus become best sellers if every man is different), do share with the rest of us women what had worked in your marriage!

Off to get a surprise gift for hubby,

#SkinishMom

To: The #SkinishMom

You know.. I know you know… I’m a mom of eczema kid, I’m a daughter, I’m an employee, I’m a wife and each of these come with many duties. Some days I feel like I’m doing EVERYTHING – I mean I’ve even bought my in-laws their mother’s day and father’s day gifts (no one bought me anything), I do ALL the housework and I’ve to make my boss and spouse happy. On these ‘some days’, I’m thinking maybe I don’t need a man after all. Quit my job, live frugally just me and my kid. No man, ever. What do you think?

Mom at Cross-roads

I think… get a coffee. What you need (I know I did in the some days you mentioned) is coffee – along with it, the aroma, the caffeine, the frothy milk, the 20-minute break with a book or music. Alone… it’d make your mood ‘swell’. Did I mention that a 10-year study showed that women who drank two to three cups of caffeinated coffee a day were 15% less likely to develop depression.

On a more serious note – I get you. Taking care of an eczema child is not easy – the skincare, the struggles with your child (who sometimes stubbornly refuses to moisturize), the conflicts with other family members who don’t get the need for skincare. Plus, yeah.. women these days are doing housework + real work. Some days things are easier when you don’t go to work or you only have to clean up and cook for your child (as opposed to child + man).

But… I can never encourage you to D-I-V-O-R-C-E; Matthew 19:6

So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

Plus the joy of a marriage takes time to build – the airy fairy, honeymoon period is so over but real love for a lifetime sets in, if both of you work at it. (At least I’m working on mine!). I do however think the solution may be in managing ‘me-time’, ‘man-time’, ‘work-time’ and ‘chore-time’:

1. Take care of your health – you don’t need permission from any man or any kid to take care of yourself. Exercise releases endorphins that trigger positive feelings (same as morphine!) and boost your bone + health.

2. Reduce time at work – if you’re not gunning to crack that glass ceiling, don’t stay back for the sake of staying back.

3. Take lunch break = ‘Me’ time. If you prefer to do it alone, do so. You’d be surprised – once your colleagues figure out that you have your own stuff to do at lunch, you won’t be missed anymore. Of course, if you are a people person and like hanging out with your colleagues, do so.

4. Take coffee break – a must

5. Increase time spent with your man at home – by reducing time on chores, even reducing time with your kid. When you’re old, sick or lonely, there’s only one guy who’s there for you – the one you took the time to know and to love.

Try the above and don’t forget the coffee,

#SkinishMom

I came across this ‘harmless’ article that was simply sharing about the closure of a children zoo in Gothenburg (the second largest city in Sweden). What caught me was the headline “Animal ‘eczema’ closes Gothenburg kids’ zoo“. I know that animals get eczema but I’m curious about the inverted commas. So I read on and the writing below both infuriated and saddened me:

A statement on the park’s website added that vets had taken samples from the lambs and goats and were currently waiting for test results. Staff suspect that the animals have contracted a skin disease similar to eczema that can be passed between animals and humans and vice versa.

… one of the vets working at the zoo told the TT news agency that humans symptoms would include “sores and blisters on hands”.

I know the writer of the article was probably saying that the appearance of the rash looked similar to eczema and it was suspected that it could be pass on to humans. However, one could easily misread it as the skin disease was similar to eczema which is contagious.

Eczema is not contagious (PERIOD).

It saddened me because so many children and their parents all over the world are already struggling to manage the eczema in school. Apart from the difficulty of implementing a skincare routine in school, tacking the social impacts of eczema is also an uphill task. Schoolmates may think the eczema rash is contagious especially if the eczema child has rashes on the face, arms or legs, constantly scratching and the rash looks like it’s spreading on some days (flare-ups). Eczema children get shunned because they are feared to infect others. Their parents face a difficult task of explaining eczema to the teachers and getting the school to communicate with the students. We don’t need any news article to possibly further fuel the wrong notion that eczema is contagious, IT’S NOT!

I’ve emailed the online paper to request if they can amend their writing, will update when I hear from them.

#SkinishMom

If you want to follow a celeb, follow Hugh Jackman’s lead in going for regular skin cancer checkups, especially if you’re at high risk. It’s reported by People that he was first urged by his makeup artist to have a spot on his nose checked in 2013. It turned out to be basal cell carcinoma – the most common type of skin cancer. Subsequently, Hugh Jackman went for regular 3-monthly checkups and had 4 skin cancers removed.

Risk Factors for Skin Cancer

Given that Hugh Jackman hadn’t been using sunscreen and had lots of sun exposure, he’s at increased risk of skin cancer. The risk factors for skin cancer are:

• Sun Exposure. A tanned look is viewed as healthy but in fact, it’s quite the opposite! The tanned skin meant that the skin cells exposed to UV radiation had increased the production of melanin (skin pigment) to protect the skin from further damage. It is also often misunderstood that we need vitamin D and have to suntan. While it is true that sunlight helps to provide our body with vitamin D, the exposure should not be so much till you get a tan. Check out sun protection from the American Academy of Dermatology.
• Sun Exposure-related Factors. Your age (the longer you’ve lived, the more sun exposure), your gender (male, if work/sports is outdoors) and where you live (warm climate at high altitude).
• Fair skin. The less pigment in your skin, the more likely for sun damage, therefore fairer skin is at higher risk. Also at higher risk if you have blonde or red hair, or skin that sunburns or freckles easily.
• Moles. When moles take on a different shape, darker color or irregular edges, it may be a sign of skin cancer. According to a previous interview with dermatologist Dr Verallo Rowell in this blog, her advice was that while not all moles become skin cancer, the risk is higher when (i) there are many (more than 50), (ii) ‘ugly duckling’ sign where one mole looks different from the others, (iii) family history of melanoma, (iv) photo aging evidence and (iv) have characteristics of

A for Assymetry

B for border irregularity

C for irregular pigment distribution

D for diameter of 6 mm or more

E for evolving or changing noted in size

• Personal or Family History. If you have had skin cancer or immediately family member with history of skin cancer.
• Weakened immune system. People with weakened immune systems (HIV) and those taking immunosuppressant drugs.
• Exposure to radiation. People who received radiation treatment for cancer or skin conditions such as eczema, psoriasis and acne may have an increased risk of basal cell carcinoma.
• Exposure to certain substances. Exposure to certain substances, such as arsenic, industrial tar, coal may increase your risk of skin cancer.

If you’re not in the high risk group or prefer to do some self-inspection, here’s the symptoms to look out for:

Symptoms of Skin Cancer

Skin cancers are named after the type of skin cells and basal cell carcinoma is the most common type of skin cancer.

The symptoms of Basal Cell Carcinoma:

• Unusual bump, sore, skin growth
• Small, pale, waxy, translucent skin bump (center indent or blood vessels seen)
• Red scaly patch
• Brownish scar or flesh-colored lesion
• Bleed if injured or crusted.

The symptoms are Squamous Cell Carcinoma:

• Unusual bump, sore, skin growth
• Rough (pink) skin bump
• Red scaly patch
• Bleed easily

The symptoms of Melanoma:

• New spots on skin
• Change in size, shape, texture, color or bleeding of an existing mole
• Sore that does not heal
• Pigment, redness or swelling that spreads outside the border of a spot to the surrounding skin
• Itchiness, tenderness or pain

Typically at the physician, there are a couple of tests including skin biopsy to get an accurate diagnosis. Check your skin regularly so that you’d know when something is out of the ordinary.

Slapping on sunscreen,

#SkinishMom

Can our skin smell? I don’t mean whether your skin smells, I meant if your skin is able to smell. Apparently, yes. Came across a few studies supporting that and though medical advancements using the skin’s ability to smell are far off, it’s amazing to learn how God designed our body!

Quick points from #SkinishMom’s investigation:

1. Keratinocytes, of our skin’s epidermal layer, reacted to a chemical odorant of sandalwood to re-generate in wound healing.
2. Olfactory receptors (that allow us to smell) are also present in our skin and over 20 types of tissue cells, including liver, lungs, prostrate and gut.
3. Olfactory receptors found in the testicles may be helping the sperm smell its way to the unfertilized egg.
4. Olfactory receptors in the lungs also help the lungs to switch off airways to limit inhaling poisonous gas.

The skin being the largest organ of our body truly comes into contact with a lot of our environment. Even in food allergy, it is no longer new to recognize that food sensitization (allergy) can come from our skin. In fact, studies support this hypothesis and it is increasingly recognised that we should take care of our skin, strengthen its barrier to protect our body. The next time you itch for a scratch, think about how a defective skin barrier goes beyond a scar.

I came across this study ‘Higher Sweating Rate and Skin Blood Flow during the Luteal Phase of the Menstrual Cycle’. Simply put, sweat and skin blood flow was higher from Day 14 to Day 1 of the next period. 

This got #SkinishMom investigating when do we sweat more? Maybe if we can avoid the circumstances when we sweat more, we’d feel more confident about our armpit smell and look more radiant!

Wait, to be sure, our sweat from all the eccrine sweat glands all over our body is odorless. Our sweat from apocrine sweat glands in our scalp, armpit and groin have an odor. But the real ‘body odor’ comes from the sweat mixing with the bacteria on our skin.

Here are when we sweat more:

1. Exercise – Never plan or agree to a jogging date.

2. Fever – It may be cute if your guy takes care of you when you’re sick, but not cute when he smells you!

3. Strong emotions – Here’s when playing cool literally works; too excited, angry or anxious, you’re likely to sweat more.

4. Stress – BFF is for stressful time, so is shopping, ice cream but not having a date (plus chances are you’ll complain of the stressful circumstances, and that’s just not cool!)

5. Alcohol, Caffeine – Sip these if you absolutely have to drink it during your date. Alcohol, soda, coffee, tea stimulates your gustatory sweating.

6. Spicy food – Don’t arrange for a date at Sichuan restaurant or Indian cuisine.

7. Smoking – Nicotine releases your body chemical acetylcholine that stimulates your sweat glands. Quit smoking is good for your health and your pockets.

8. Antidepressants – Causes excessive sweating in about 20%; hopefully your date will help with the depression!

As a safe measure, always use antiperspirant – it works and it’s not a cancer risk (that will be for another post!)