Tag: parenting

We met in Singapore and there were many Google hangouts and live events where Angela’s tips had been shared on this blog. This post combined the best of the Q&As into one informative post.

Bullying & Eczema Kids

My question: Children with eczema may get picked on in school, either due to their appearance (for those with apparent eczema), or due to differences in routine, for instance, shower and moisturizing required after sports. 

What do you recommend that school, parents can do to help the child not get bullied?

Angela: Children do get picked on based on appearance; Parents can talk to teacher, who may inform the class and let them know eczema is due to dry skin. As children are naturally inquisitive, it helps to answer their questions about why a classmate of theirs look different, so that they will understand it is not anything that ought to be picked on.

Parents can empower their child with more information about the skin condition, and also build up their self-confidence.

Photographer Zurina mentioned that her child’s school had information leaflet sent to everyone, informing them that a new classmate who has psoriasis will be joining and requested the parents to help educate the child about this skin condition.

Eczema Baby Sleep Tips

What do you suggest the best routine for bedtime?

A: Routine can including feeding the baby, followed by bath, pajamas, quiet time (transition to less movement and noise), stacked bedtime for those with more than one child, so that every child has one on one time.

Eczema children often can’t sleep through the entire night and wake up frequently due to the itch and scratching. 

Is there a shortened bedtime routine during the middle of night?

A: Reduce time for each of the bedtime routine, but as with traveling, keeping a routine helps.

Q: Babies with eczema, due to Interrupted sleep, often don’t get enough hours of sleep. How can we help the baby to have sufficient sleep/rest so that growth is not compromised?

A: 12 hours of sleep for a baby and if sleeping at night is an issue, should get the baby to have more day naps or rest time during the day.

Keep bedtime, ie the staying in bed part, non-negotiable.

Preparation for Newborn

Once a woman finds out she is pregnant, there are various aspects of preparation shared by Angela:

Medical & Body Pregnancy Prep

• Appointment with gynaecologist, and also decide and book the hospital for delivery.

• Physically, relax as stress is not good for the mother or baby. Look into yoga and other gentle exercises. Swimming & water aerobics can be great gentle exercises too, if you can swim! Alter your diet and lifestyle suitably. Talk to your doctor about this. Sign up for prenatal and antenatal classes for you and your partner. Get more sleep! Rest when you can.

Environment – Home & Outdoor

Avoid dangerous places filled with smoke or pollution. Also create a loving and nurturing environment between you and your partner. It is worth interacting with your unborn child by touching, singing, talking, reading stories and playing music. Plan for the nursery, write a list of what you will need and a list in Angela’s book Baby Love can be used as a reference.

Working Mothers

For working mothers, there are various options how to continue to feed your baby:

If your baby is breastfed, you need to decide whether you will express milk for your carer to provide or whether to have your baby brought to you at work to feed throughout the day (if possible). Various equipment are required, namely:

Baby Bottle – A bottle with a teat that has features similar to mother’s breast is sought after for the benefit of baby’s development as well as avoiding nipple confusion. During the day, about 3-4 bottles are required.

Breast Pump – Working mothers will need to look into an electrical breast pump for frequent and faster expressing.

Breast milk Storage Devices – Working mothers will need to prepare larger quantities of breast milk for storage.Different products will cater for the needs of different types of usage. The easiest option is storage bags as they can be stacked up.

Breast milk Warmer -A breast milk warmer becomes an essential item for working mothers as they to have one for their caregiver to use.Please always test the temperature of the milk on the inside of your arm before you give to your baby. If your helper is feeding the baby while you work, she has to be taught how to use a baby warmer safely.

Breast milk Cooler Bag – This is needed for use by working mothers to transport their expressed breast milk from office to carer.

Parenting Styles

There is no set parenting style and you can mix and match various ideas, including changing parenting styles. The important thing is that both parents should decide and agree on how to raise the child. Brainstorm with your partner on your beliefs and values as a family, perhaps involve your extended family. Do discuss any conflicts that arises and try to find solutions, before the baby is born!

Parents as Role Models

Children learn from watching their parents, and they are like little sponges, taking all in long before they can talk. Therefore, model appropriate behaviour, and be consistent in what you teach and also surround your child only with people who follow the same behaviours. Those with alternative caregivers should make sure they know and follow your parenting rules. Update the rule list for your carer and be vigilant to monitor and ensure that your baby is taken care of as you would desire them to be.

Giving Time to Your Child

Angela often gets asked how much time is appropriate to spend with your child, but each parent will have their own answer to this. It is important though to spend regular time doing enjoyable activities as a family, without the interruptions of phones, iPads and computers. Set your own priorities, including that between career and family. Time spent do matters to the child and therefore it is not unexpected that some children grow attached to their carers who spent the whole day with them.

Set your own priorities, including that between career and family.

Sneaking in a question on parenting eczema children here: Very often, children with eczema itch terribly and parents usually end up saying/shouting (in exasperation!) ‘Stop Scratching!’.

Do you have any positive reinforcement ideas to distract from scratching as I understand encouraging a child works better than saying no all the time?

Angela: You can also try to redirect children into doing something else rather than scratching, use positive words and also say please don’t do that. Perhaps suggest applying cream rather than scratching.

This was originally posted as a 4-week series which had since been combined into a single informative post. I met Heidi in Singapore, during the Rise and Shine Expo where I got the front seat to her workshop “What to Expect in the First Year”. Heidi had kindly reviewed the Q&A before I published the 4-week post series.

Baby Feeding

Q1: How do Mothers who Breastfeed know that their babies are getting enough milk?

Heidi: Breasts don’t come equipped with ML mark – but fortunately healthy babies usually know exactly how much they should eat.  Breastfeeding is based on demand and supply – babies demand what they need to grow, breasts supply it.  Still, many moms worry that their babies are not getting enough to eat.  Since you can’t determine exactly how much is going in – best way to tell if baby’s getting enough is by checking how much comes out.  If baby’s pooping plenty and peeing plenty – and most breastfed babies do plenty of both.  Also keep in mind that babies are very good at what they do – feeding from a breast.  They’re better at extracting breastmilk than a pump is.

Also remember, whether you’re pumping or feeding from the breast, make sure each breast gets drained before you move on to the next.  That way you’ll be sure your baby’s getting both the foremilk (the thirst quencher, which is thinner) and the hindmilk, which is creamier, full of more fat and calories and which helps a baby feel full and satisfied.  Wonder if baby will get enough as he or she grows?  No need to – as baby grows and his or her appetite grows, too – your breastmilk supply will increase to keep pace.

Q2: How can Dads help out in Feeding?

Heidi: First of all, dads can help by being supportive of breastfeeding efforts.  Research shows that when dads are supportive of breastfeeding, it’s much more likely to succeed.  But also keep in mind that moms don’t have a monopoly on nurturing a baby. In fact, here’s an interesting father fact: Dads-to-be and new dads experience a drop in testosterone and a surge in esterone – most likely nature’s way of bringing out their nurturing side.  And those hormonal changes work.  There’s nothing (besides breastfeeding) that a mom can do that a dad can’t do equally well if not better, given the chance. Like a mom, dads can talk to, sing to, hold, rock, cuddle, and hug their babies. And while they can’t breastfeed, they can feed bottles of supplemental formula or expressed breastmilk-and do so with their babies snuggled bare skin-to-skin, to nourish and nurture their babies at the same time.  Can’t find a teat your baby will take? Ask around and shop around-different babies like different styles of nipple. Just make sure it’s slow flow so that it takes more effort, like a breast nipple does.

Q3: Should a 6-month old baby prefer solids to milk, is it ok to provide only solids and milk at night?

Heidi: Breastmilk or formula is still the main source of nutrition for a 6-month old – and will continue to be for most of the first year.  While some babies will take more, about 24 ounces per day is considered the right amount of formula (or if you were expressing your baby’s milk, breastmilk) for this age.  Solids, at least in the first few months of introduction (which should happen at about 6 months) are less for the nutrition, which formula or breastmilk has covered, and more for the experience…getting used to taking different textures and tastes.  But again, solids enough won’t give baby everything that he or she needs at 6 months.  Sometimes babies who don’t take enough milk are drinking too many other calories in the form of juice – so skip the juice altogether, or limit to no more than 4-6 oz a day.

Q4: When should the baby be weaned?

Heidi: You’re actually starting to wean a baby from the very first moment you offer solids.  Start a cup by age 7 months (sooner if baby seems eager to try and is sitting well), but you can continue the bottle until the first birthday – at which point best to graduate to a cup full time.  In the meantime, so baby will be ready for this momentous transition, make sure your little one becomes a sippy or straw cup pro.

For teething babies, sucking on a feeding or teething bag filled with frozen banana, mango, or peaches or chilled avocado can be soothing – but also a great way to feed a fussy baby.  Chilling spoon-fed foods (or even formula or expressed breastmilk) can also spell relief for teethers.

Baby Sleep

Q1: What is a suggested Bedtime routine?

Heidi:  Bedtime routines are a relaxing way to unwind at the end of the day for both parent and baby – and allows an older, active baby an opportunity to brake gradually for bed, instead of trying to go suddenly from 100 to 0 gradually. A bedtime routine should last about 30-45 minutes and should include a bath, massage, jammies, snack or milk, brushing teeth (if there are any), story time, cuddles and with good night ritual of saying ‘good night’ to family members, toys, animal friends. Keep lights low and music soft (no TV in the background) during the bedtime routine.  A snack of complex carbohydrates and protein can help keep a little one’s blood sugar even through the night, which can result in sounder sleep. Most important advice on bedtime routines: keep them consistent…same time, same amount of time, same order.

Q2: How to encourage afternoon naps?

Heidi:  First watch for your little one’s sleepy cues (yawning, rubbing eyes) and catch them before baby goes from sleepy to overtired (an overtired tot has a tougher time settling down for sleep).  Use a modified, shortened routine for naps – without the bath. Naps are as important for a baby or toddler as nighttime sleep – and in fact babies who don’t nap are less likely to sleep well at night.  Plus, babies do some of their most important developing during sleep, including naps – and it gives little ones a chance to recharge their batteries.  Just make sure the nap doesn’t come so late in the day that it interferes with nighttime sleep.

Q3: What about a baby who keeps waking up in the night?

Heidi: The problem isn’t waking during the night – we all wake during the night, but we’ve learned (hopefully by now!) how to fall back to sleep on our own.  That’s an important life skill that all babies eventually have to learn.  While feeding a baby during the night is fine for younger infants, by 4-6 months, they no longer need those nighttime feeds…they’ve just become a habit.  To help your baby learn how to fall back to sleep on his or her own, look at how he or she is falling asleep at bedtime.  That’s a child’s “sleep association”.  Feed or rock or cuddle your baby to sleep, and he or she will come to expect that same crib-side service at 2 am.  Best to put a baby down for the night drowsy but still not asleep, so he or she can fall asleep on his or her own – and know how to fall back to sleep on his or her own.  Bedtime routines are also a consistent, predictable transition to sleep – a positive sleep association: bedtime routine means I’m getting ready to sleep.

Falling back to sleep is an important life skill that all babies eventually have to learn.

Q4: What about Co-Sleeping?

Heidi: Sleeping with a baby in the same bed generally isn’t recommended by doctors, simply because it can be less safe and has been linked in research to a higher risk of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome).  If you do want to sleep in the same bed with your baby, there are safety precautions you must take, such as sleeping without pillows of fluffy blankets, not putting baby against a wall or near any headboard that baby might become entrapped in (or entrapped between mattress and headboard).  Better and safer is to keep baby in the same room with you (being close to you but not in the same bed actually reduces the risk of SIDS), but in a safe sleeping space (crib or bassinet).  SIDS can also be prevented by not over-bundling the baby in heavy clothing (baby should be dressed lightly and the room should be comfortably cool), not putting anything in the crib but the baby (no pillows, blankets, plush toys, or bumpers), and keeping a fan on, circulating air. Also, use a pacifier (if your baby will take one) during sleep.

Do keep this in mind if you share a room (and doctors recommend that you do): babies are noisy sleepers (‘sleeping like a baby’ isn’t really as restful as people think).  They make a lot of noises, they move around a lot in their sleep.  So parents who co-sleep may actually find themselves sleeping less restfully, too, and may pick their babies up more often than necessary.  To avoid this, wait until your baby’s actually awake and crying to offer comfort or a feed.

What to Expect for Babies

Q1: Is it OK for baby to suck fingers?

Heidi: Babies are born suckers, and in fact many suck their fingers or hands before they’re born.  Sucking is a strong reflex in babies – and it’s their go-to habit for comforting themselves (and that’s a very good thing).  So no harm in baby sucking his or her thumb or fingers – in fact, it’s the most convenient comfort habit your baby could settle on (fingers are attached to their hands – no dropping them in the middle of the night, like a pacifier).  Let your little sucker suck away for now – there’s no likely to be harm to teeth until much later in the preschool years.  If thumb sucking is interfering with talking and socializing, occasionally use your little one’s hands to play finger games or clapping games or anything else that engages them.  If later on the dentist says it’s time to pull the plug on that finger, a positive reinforcement campaign – instead of pressure or scolding – will work best.  Say, a chart with stickers for sucking-free days.

When to schedule that first dental appointment?

While some pediatric dentists believe it should take place sometime after the first birthday, it’s probably safe to wait until the third birthday if there are no signs of decay or other dental issues, you’re brushing and flossing consistently, and the pediatrician is checking your baby’s teeth at each visit.  Also, wean baby from the bottle at a year to avoid tooth decay, and limit sippy cup use (sippies allow juice or milk to pool in the mouth).  Instead, as soon as your little one is able, switch to a straw cup, which is safer for teeth.  Another reason to break the bottle habit at a year: babies who drink their bottles lying down (as when falling asleep) can be more prone to ear infection.

 Q2: When should parents start baby-proofing the home?

Heidi: A lot of parents assume they’re safe (or, that their home is safe from baby and their baby safe from their home) until their little one is walking, or at least crawling well.  But it’s safer to start sooner – usually around 5 or 6 months – since you can never underestimate the resourcefulness of a curious baby.  In fact, it’s always safer to overestimate you’re your baby can reach/get into/climb to/manage to open or grab.

Q3: How much should parents clean the home?

Heidi: No need to put your baby into a bubble – and of course, that’s not practical. Neither is keeping your home white glove clean or laboratory sterile. Regular weekly cleaning is plenty, as long as you’re also sticking with the most important hygiene habits, like handwashing. In fact, research shows that some exposure to everyday germs actually boosts a baby’s immune system – making them less suspeptible to illness later on. Babies who attend day care or have siblings bringing germs home from school have fewer illnesses later on, too.  Same holds true for exposure to furry friends – studies show that young children who have dogs are less likely to suffer from allergies.

Q4: How many times is a child expected to fall sick in the first year?

Heidi: There aren’t any set number of infections a baby can be expected to come down with.  Some babies, especially those in day care or with older siblings, have more frequent colds and other viruses, others never get a single one.  Breastfeeding boosts the immune system, so breastfed babies are less likely to become sick and when they do, are more likely to recover faster.  And of course, making sure your baby gets all necesssary vaccines (and making sure anyone who spends time with your baby, including you, daddy, and grandparents and other babysitters does too) will help him or her stay well. And hands down, handwashing is the best way to prevent illnesses of any kind.

Q5: How to select a good stroller?

Heidi: The right stroller is the one that best fits your needs.  A travel system can be convenient, especially when the baby is young, but those strollers are often very heavy.  If you’ll be doing  a lot of stroller pushing, also make sure the one you choose folds up easily (particularly important if you’ll be in and out of the car with it or on and off trains and buses).  And make sure the height of the stroller is comfortable for you to push.  A good alternative to the stroller for shorter trips is a sling or other baby carrier, which allows you to go mainly hands-free and keeps baby snuggled close to you.  Try before you buy, since every mom, dad, and baby is will find different models comfortable.  And if you’re thinking about buying one while you’re expecting, be aware that your bump will definitely get in the way!.

Q6: What are the causes of colic?

Heidi: Colic is really a catch-all phrase that covers any kind of extended crying in a young baby.  It’s usually defined loosely by the rule of 3’s: at least 3 hours of hard-to-console crying at least 3 days a week, starting at about 3 weeks and tapering off by 3 months – but of course, many babies cry much more than that. There are plenty of theories to explain colic, but the top ones are gas (babies have immature digestive systems, so gas happens…a lot) and overstimulation.  Babies at 3 weeks lose the abillity to block out extraneous stimulus in their environment – so by the end of the day they’re often at stimulation overload, and just need to unwind with a good cry (and by good…of course I mean, long).

Q7: What about sex?

Heidi: The answer is YES.  Staying intimate is one of the best ways, of ocurse, of staying connected – especially in that first year as parents, when there are so many baby-focused distractions. Try to remember that the most important relationship in your life, even once baby comes on the scene, is the one with your partner.  Babies should and often do take priority, but try not to put your twosome on the back burner – be a couple, not just a couple of parents.  A weekly or monthly date night, even if it’s just snuggles and movies on the sofa.  Scheduling in sex – or being spontaneous (baby’s napping?  Get busy!).  And taking the time for quick hug or a kiss.  When it does come to the main event, delivery can leave you quite sore, even if you didn’t tear or have stiches, and postpartum hormone changes can make your vagina uncomfortably dry.  So make sure you get all the warming up you’ll need, and don’t skimp on the lube – use it liberally until your own juices are flowing again.

Try to remember that the most important relationship in your life, even once baby comes on the scene, is the one with your partner

Q8: You have written “What to Expect when You’re Expecting” close to 30 years ago, has what to expect change?

Heidi: There is definitely a lot more information available now, and also more empowerment to women. Husbands and doctors now understand the role and importance of moms. Also parents can turn to online communities and social networks for support.

Thank you Heidi for helping so much for the past four weeks; as you all know, I’m passionate about childhood eczema and looking forward to have more experts on board and a community to especially help new moms with eczema babies.

This was originally a two-part series (combined into a single post), live coverage of Dr Thomas Armstrong’s workshop in Rise and Shine Expo, Singapore. His workshop was titled 8 ways of teaching: How to teach practically anything using multiple intelligences.

Multiple Intelligences

The theory of multiple intelligences was first developed in 1983 by Dr. Howard Gardner, professor of education at Harvard University. He took a broader interpretation of intelligence other than just linguistic and logic/mathematical intelligence that still remain as the main focus in schools today. A society requires more than word smart and number smart people, for instance, professions such as designers, artists, musicians, dancers play an important role. The concern of a narrow definition of intelligence is that children who are actually intelligent in other ways become labelled as “learning disabled”. Furthermore, teaching the same concept in different ways allow not word or number inclined children to learn the concepts and also reinforces learning for children who are.

8 Multiple Intelligences

Linguistic Intelligence

Linguistic intelligence (“word smart”) – This intelligence refers to being good with words, and children who are word smart may love reading books, telling stories, good at spellings and taking tests and good at writing. Parents can help these word smart children by bringing spoken/written words into learning.

Logical-Mathematical Intelligence

Logical-mathematical intelligence (“number/reasoning smart”) – This means being good at numbers and logic/reasoning. Children who have more of this intelligence are typically good in science, mental calculation, patterns and taking number-related tests. Parents can help number smart children by thinking of ways to use numbers or patterns into learning.

Spatial Intelligence

Spatial intelligence (“picture smart”) – This means being good with pictures and images. Children who have more of spatial intelligence are usually creative, loves arts, doodles, legos and video games. Parents can help these children by using visual aids, colour, art and metaphors.

Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence

Bodily-Kinesthetic intelligence (“body smart”) – This refers to being good with the body and hands, such as children who are hands-on, loves to act, moves, sculpts and athletic. Learning for these children can be aided by involving the whole body and hands-on experiences.

Musical Intelligence

Musical intelligence (“music smart”) – This refers to being good with tone, rhythm and timbre and such children are often good in instruments, singing, rhythm and remembering music. Parents can help these music smart kids learn better by including music and rhythm into the learning experience.

Interpersonal Intelligence

Interpersonal intelligence (“people smart”) – This intelligence deals with being good at social interactions and these people smart children are natural leaders, street smart, good at mediating or persuasion. Learning for these children can be aided in peer to peer sharing, co-operative learning or large group simulation.

Intrapersonal Intelligence

Intrapersonal intelligence (“self smart”/ personal reflection) – This refers to being good at knowing oneself and these children are independent learners, confident, good at setting goals for themselves and reflecting. These self smart kids learn well when they are given choices or from forming associations with their personal experience.

Naturalist Intelligence

Naturalist intelligence (“nature smart”) This intelligence is for children who learn best using nature, who loves animals, have a green thumb or loves outdoors. Bringing learning for these children to nature or relating to nature can help their understanding of concepts.

For parents who want to assess which areas their children (or themselves!) are the strongest in, see this slideshare by Dr Thomas for the multiple intelligence inventory listing.

September 28, 2013 Singapore – Eight Ways of Teaching (Handouts) from Thomas Armstrong Ph.D.

Identifying Multiple Intelligences in your Child

Dr Thomas shared that there are many ways parents can gather which intelligence their child is better at, and the best is by observation. Trips to art exhibits, zoos, parks, museums, libraries, music events and different environments can help parents to know what their child is interested to explore. Parents can document their observation using a scrapbook and observe over time what their child is better at. They can also go to the child’s school, ask the teachers and review the work done during school. A sparkle in the child’s eyes is the best indication!

Parents’ Questions on Discovering Child’s Multiple Intelligences

Q1: What if the parent is not strong in the intelligence that the child is good at? How can the parent then help the child to learn using this area of intelligence?

Dr Thomas: Parents can take the effort to learn and strengthen the intelligence in the particular area, and turn to other parents/tutors/technology to learn (both for themselves and for their children). One point to note is that every child is good at an area, it is not possible that a child is not intelligent in any area.

Q2: How to build a child’s intelligence and know that they have improved in it?

Dr Thomas: Parents should worry less about testing and think more about creating stimulating environments as a family, for instance, playing games, reading, stories, taking walks and visiting new places. Avenues to learn are already embedded in everyday life – for instance, questioning about why nature is as such, get them thinking instead of opting for an intensive learning program. Flash cards are not recommended as even if the child can get it right, flash cards do not encourage deeper understanding – some parents do it to feel good about themselves!

Multiple Intelligences/ Learning for an Eczema Child

I can’t resist the urge to sneak a question in for an eczema child. A child with eczema suffers from poor sleep, may lack concentration from lack of sleep or the itch be taking much of their mind. Dr Thomas, I wonder if there are certain areas to help these children in class (apart from treating the eczema so that the child can get proper sleep and not feel like scratching in class).

For instance, will it be even more important for parents to figure out other ways to help the eczema child learn apart from linguistic and logic as these require more sitting (leading to chances to scratch)?

My baby started learning her words using sign language, which helps as she has to sign and not scratch (her experience).

Dr Thomas:  I think any activity that involves hands-on learning would be good for the same reason as sign language:  the student’s hands will be involved in learning and not scratching.  Some examples of hands-on learning include:  fingerpainting, building with legos, working with math blocks, playing with clay, making a collage, creating a diorama (a three-dimensional model of a scene from a book, for example), and woodworking.  These, of course, are excellent for all children, but have this added benefit for children suffering from eczema.

Thank you so much Dr Thomas Armstrong for helping with the questions above and offering a very enlightening workshop for parents during the Rise and Shine Expo.

This is a special edition post for many reasons! #1 It’s the first time a photographer is featured #2 She’s a mom who successfully turned her photography passion to a business, with celebrities, TV personalities as her clients and #3 It’s high time we parents of eczema kids have nice photos of our child!

Marcie Mom: Thank you Zurina for joining me here. As I’ve shared with you, taking photos of an eczema child may be difficult for various reasons (1) they may be scratching and so it’s another hurdle to get them to focus on the camera, (2) their skin may be having an eczema flare-up. I’m not a photographer, and I definitely don’t carry a camera around apart from my smart phone (plus my baby bag is already so heavy, check out this cartoon!) So, I’d be asking you questions on how to make the best of my current situation when taking photos of my child, I’m sure many parents will be facing the same!

Family Photo with Eczema Kids

MarcieMom: Ok, let’s get started with my upcoming wedding anniversary photo. I’d head out to a neighborhood studio, for a photographer to take a picture of the family (my hubby, my eczema toddler and I). Half the time she’s either scratching or too shy to look up.

What can I do before, during the photo session to help the photographer to get her to look into the camera? Like should I bring my own toy, or is there a way to carry her for optimal positioning?

Zurina: As a parent myself, if I know I’m going to be taking photos of my kids I don’t do too much talking to them about it before the actual session. I want them to be as relaxed as they can be when they get there. If you’re dealing with a photographer who has experience working with kids they are usually well equipped to get the kids to pose with you or alone (or at least sit still for the required number of shots). Of course, kids are kids and sometimes bribery works! If you can bring their favourite toy that helps – so long as you know that once they get their hands on the toy it’s likely to be featured in the shot too! The other thing is…to have some sort of bribery ready…whether it be a promise of a new toy or treat.

Indoor Photography with Kids

MarcieMom: Assuming we are taking a family photo for the Zoo membership card – all our faces are required to be in the photo, and we’re taking it inside our home.

What’s your take on positioning the smart phone, e.g. lighting or height?

Zurina: The key to taking a shot in your home is about the light. Turn on as many lights as you can and take a practice shot to check out the light. If you need to, pull in some other lights to brighten up your face in the photo. Lights should not be directly overhead otherwise you’ll get some harsh shadows.

Outdoor Photography with Kids

MarcieMom: Now, we’re heading outdoors.

Where should I stand to take the best light? Also, if say her legs are having eczema flare-ups and I want to take just the upper body, how best to ‘frame’ the photo? (Is ‘framing’ the right word?)

Zurina: The light (think sun) should generally be in front of you so you aren’t in the shadows. Of course, this means that for those who are sensitive will find this a little uncomfortable. In this situation, you can do the 3…2…1…countdown. Tell your subjects (family, friends, kids) to close their eyes and do the countdown. Tell them to close their eyes (to rest them) and to open them up when you hit 1. As for framing (yes, that’s the right word) – that really depends on how close a shot you want to get. Most new photographers will follow the Rule of Thirds when they start out in photography. I’d suggest checking out the Wikipedia page on that one.

Taking Selfies

MarcieMom: If we are taking photos of ourselves, using the front-facing camera. Is there a way for the faces not to be so huge, especially my girl may be having some rashes on her neck – anyway to take a shot so that the focus is on my girl’s smile instead of on her rashes?

Zurina: I’m terrible at taking photos of myself from that angle! I always feel like faces are massive in them! It’s all about the perspective. For this I would suggest learning how to use the timer on your camera instead. This allows you to move further away from the camera.

Thanks Zurina for taking time off your busy family life and photography sessions to help parents take their eczema children in a better light!

This is a special sharing by Bruce Sallan, the host of every Thursday ET 9-10pm Twitter #DadChat. I’m super privileged to have Bruce share his tips on Being a Better Dad, something I feel is so important particularly after I’ve evaluated my own Parenting Incompetency. Furthermore, parents of eczema children often spend so much time and energy on managing eczema that we forget to do the real parenting. Husbands are expected to take a leadership role in the family (biblically), sons are expected to take care of aged parents, men are expected to excel in their career – leaving our dads’ today treading a difficult line to balance all that are expected of them.

Bruce had been in a similar situation (though his family did not have eczema) – on his website BruceSallan.com, he shared about being a single dad, taking care of his sons after his wife left, and leaving showbiz to take care of his ailing parents. Bruce writes a weekly column from a Dad’s Point of View, has his own comic strip Because I Said So, radio show and wrote two books. 

Marcie Mom: Hi Bruce, thanks again for being my guest! I love your #DadChat on twitter and it really got me thinking about the roles Dad play in today’s parenting. Let’s do a reality check – What do you think is the Top Parenting Activity/Task/Role that Dads are doing today and what do you think is the one that is most important, yet overlooked?

Bruce: First, thank you MarcieMom for being such a great new friend. I love your coming to #DadChat every Thursday while commuting to work. I love that the Internet allows us to “connect” with people we might not otherwise ever meet. You’re a great example of that and a blessing.

As to your question, it’s ironic that my answer comes back to something very simple. It also really applies to both dads and moms.

In our very busy world – busy lives – it is a myth to think that parents can schedule “Quality Time” with their children. Quantity Time is what works. It’s simple. Kids open up on their schedule, NOT on yours. The more time you spend with them, the better you will know them, and the better chance they’ll open up and hopefully reveal things you need and want to know.

Marcie Mom: There are a lot of tasks that dads have to do, take for instance a dad of eczema child (ahem.. without naming who!):

1. Work – 9am to 9pm
2. Visit parents, if they are ill (which is highly probable given our generation’s parents are close to their eighties) – an hour per day or 8 hours per week
3. Do housework – either one or more, but hopefully not none! Washing dishes, laundry, ironing, sweeping, mopping, cleaning toilet – 4 hours per week
4. Spend time with child – two hours per day
5. Spend time with wife – probably only in the car! Commuting time, 1.5 hours per day
6. Spend time managing eczema – skincare, bath and sleep routine, likely 2 hours per night

All in, that’s 19 hours, leaving 5 hours for sleep! What would be your take on how to be a Dad for our child despite the demands of the day?

Bruce: It’s funny that, so far, each of your questions really don’t inspire a dad-specific answer. I believe my answer to this will equally apply to moms.

Your husband’s situation is perhaps a bit more extreme than many overwhelmed and busy dads or moms. When there’s a sick parent to add to the mix of a full-time job, life is hard and time is precious. There is no simple answer for those situations except to remember the old biblical saying that “This Too Shall Pass.” Therefore, for someone like your husband, all I can suggest is to endure, do the best you can, and be patient for easier and better times. I also would urge your husband to get more sleep. It will do NO ONE any good if he gets sick.

But, most people choose to be busy. It really is all about time management and so many people waste so much time. Once you’re married, working full-time, and then have kids, your life is going to be hectic. The challenge is to be smart with your time. Efficient. And prioritize.

Before I was married or had kids, when all I had to worry about was ME, I took a Time Management class. It was invaluable. When you really analyze how you spend your day, there are almost always many ways you can make better use of your time.

With parenting, it’s about priorities. For instance, maybe during some of the parenting years – when the kids may need you most – you don’t put your work ahead of everything else. Maybe you don’t choose to take on that extra assignment that might get you points with your boss. Yes, you still do a good job, but maybe you just have to wait a few years before accelerating your career. Will you go to your deathbed saying you wished you’d worked more or wish you’d spent more time with your family?

Marcie Mom: I always ask myself how I’m worshipping the Lord with my heart, my mind, my body and soul. With that in mind, I find that I’m grossly overlooking growing my child’s heart and soul. What do you suppose to be a baby step that Dads can step in/ step up to groom our child’s heart?

Bruce: Ahhh, such a complicated question and, maybe, one that would only be asked by a woman? I do think – generally – that women look at the soul of their children’s lives with concern and that this is so important, too.

Religion has been marginalized by contemporary society but organized mainstream religions, in which G*d is the centerpiece and, at least for me The Ten Commandments have meaning, is one of the only ways we can teach our children true values and to care of others. Otherwise, it’s just opinion and about what feels good. Feelings have replaced values far too much in our world.

Marcie Mom: One final question – what do you suppose a wife can help her spouse to Be a Better Dad?

Bruce: This question made me smile. I will first answer simply of my wife and myself. Personally, I need validation. When my wife praises me, it reinforces my good behavior. When I’m doing a good job, I want to know that those around me – especially my wife – not only notice, but appreciate it. So, verbal affirmation is very important for me.

That said, just as we often say that what we parents “model” is what our kids will learn, I think a wife modeling good parenting will rub off on her husband. But, men tend to be dense and sometimes we men need to be hit over the head to get a point. So, this is where communication comes to bear. Sit down with your husband and talk. Never assume he will simply know what to do – or what YOU want him to do.

If there’s tension in your household, seek others for counsel. Even other couples friends can be of great support, as can clergy or a good therapist.

Men need to feel they are contributing to the world and doing a good job – both at work and at home. Let him know that. My wife bakes me pies when she either wants to praise me or as a sign of apology. She’s Chinese so verbal affirmation comes hard for her. But, she shows it in other ways.

Marcie Mom: Thank you so much Bruce, I love hearing from a dad’s point of view because it just reminded me that dads have different thoughts, responsibilities and pressure and I’ve to be mindful of these and work with my husband for the family to thrive!

Having eczema is not only stressful for the entire family, but is also related to lower self-esteem for children with severe eczema. The constant itch and scratching, lack of good sleep may also deter children from concentrating on certain activities they like. Would these affect our kids and how can parents inspire our kids to a fulfilling life, despite the eczema? This was originally a 4-week Friday Q&A, now combined into a single informative post.

Life Skill for our Children: Self-Esteem & Resilience

MarcieMom: I’m thinking of possible scenarios such as

1. An older child/ teen being conscious of how he/she looks because of the rashes on the skin or face.
2. Moisturizing often or cleaning off sweat after sports may lead to the child feeling self-conscious as his/her friends don’t need to take that extra time to freshen up and moisturize.
3. A child may feel conscious that he/she is exempted from wearing jerseys or school uniform that is made with material (usually not cotton) that trigger his/her eczema rash (my toddler in pre-school is wearing Friday sports attire every day as the uniform is made with polyester, instead of cotton).

Self-Esteem vs Self-Confidence

Marcie Mom: Dr Rosina, I’ve learnt from you that self-esteem is how one judge himself/ herself versus self-confidence which is how one thinks how good he/she is at something. The former is related to ‘being’, while the latter is related to ‘doing’. The points I’ve listed above are related to how one feels about the external world appraisal of his/ her looks and behavior. My question is

What can a parent of a toddler age child say or do to build that self-esteem in the child so that when he is older, the child is able to feel secure despite being of an age where he is aware of people staring at his skin?

Should a parent say anything about how the rashes look?

If the child’s eczema is severe, he may know that people notice his skin rashes, should the parent say anything, and if yes, what to say, about the stares his child has been getting?

Dr Rosina: I’d like to start by saying that this is not an easy question to answer and that there is no ‘one’ universal way to parent so each parent must decide what will work best for their family. With that in mind, I would like to offer some suggestions that parents may find useful when faced with this dilemma.

The key to building self-esteem – which is a child’s judgment of themselves – is to give them the opportunity to learn, slowly over time, that they are valuable in their own right. Children need to come to understand that they have the right to have good self-esteem not because of anything they can or can’t do, or how they look, but just because they are human beings. To achieve this, it is important to create opportunities for children to esteem themselves as continual external praise is more likely to result in a child who looks outside themselves for esteem rather than develop self-esteem.

Thee key to building self-esteem – which is a child’s judgment of themselves – is to give them the opportunity to learn, slowly over time, that they are valuable in their own right.

For example, help children to ponder by asking questions like: how do you feel about yourself? Are you amazed about your life? Are you inspired by your ideas? Do you ever wonder how miraculous your body is that your heart can beat on its own without you thinking about it? Isn’t it incredible that you can experience the world through your eyes, ears, finger tips and nose? In this way your children can start to esteem themselves and see how miraculous it is to be a human being.

Let Your Eczema Child Discover that Everyone is Different

Next it is helpful to explore the diversity in humanity with your child and to wonder about it. People are so varied – different height, weight, skin/hair/eye colour, social class, experiences and of course as is the case with eczema medical conditions. Ask your children to think about questions like, “is one human being less than another because they have brown hair/ eczema/ are short?” “Can each person feel good about who they are and shine their individual brilliance no matter what?” Take the time to continue discussions like this and over time children will find their answers.

“Can each person feel good about who they are and shine their individual brilliance no matter what?”

Now to talk about rashes and skin makes some sense once a child knows how amazing they are as a part of the human race and that human beings come in some many different shapes and sizes, then eczema only becomes one of the many different challenges that children all around the world might experience. Each individual’s challenge offers the opportunity to grow in understanding and to grow in heart.

Honest and open communication about how your children feel about themselves and their eczema in light of the ideas above will help them to navigate the ‘stares’ and ‘comments’ that they may get from others.

Social Interaction for Older Child with Eczema

MarcieMom: For an older child, what can a parent do to help the child not feel conscious about herself but instead be able to help her friends understand eczema (do we need to equip the child to educate her friends?) or help her to not feel inadequate or inferior to others?

Dr Rosina: The important thing to help older children understand is that they have control of how they react internally but do not have any control over how other people will react. Sure it is fine to help others understand more about eczema and explain why children with eczema need to take care of their skin in a certain way, but at the end of the day, the key thing to remember is that it is not their job to control or influence how others will react to their eczema. A child’s focus needs to remain on what she/he can control – their own thoughts, feelings and actions.

The important thing to help older children understand is that they have control of how they react internally but do not have any control over how other people will react.

MarcieMom: Dr Rosina, I may not even be asking the right questions – but you get the picture that eczema requires management and can be very apparent for those with rashes on the face or visible body parts like hands and neck.

Any advice on how the parent can lay a solid foundation for the child to have that self-esteem is appreciated!

Dr Rosina: I really appreciate what you are asking about and you make a good point about laying a foundation. The key for parents is to know that children don’t need to know everything right now and to take a long-term approach to child development.  Children have a lifetime to experience, to learn, to make mistakes, to try again and to grow. A parent’s role is to help their children on this journey supporting them to find the answers within through good questioning and exploration together. Over time they will have positive and negative experiences in relation to their eczema and over time they will understand more about the condition, how it impacts them socially, personally and psychologically and how to navigate the world in a life-giving way with the support of parents, family and good friends.

Life Skill for our Children: Creativity

Do you have any advice for parents to engage and motivate the child to be committed to a project, despite the daily battle with eczema?

The backdrop is that eczema parents and child typically have higher stress level, poorer sleep, (I hope not crankier) and moms are usually stressed about the child’s eczema and constant scratching.

In such a context, what can a parent do for himself/ herself and for the child so that mind and body are there for creativity?

Dr Rosina: I can’t imagine how hard it would be to take your mind off a body that is constantly itchy. This must be very difficult for eczema sufferers. You have raised many ideas and there are a few points to look at here.

First, resilience is a key factor in life success, and looking at eczema from a positive point of view in this regard, means that we can see eczema as providing children with the opportunity to build resilience. If children can stay committed to a project despite the obstacles that eczema presents then this will be a valuable life skill!

Second creativity might be just the thing an eczema child might need to take their mind off their body and immerse themselves in something they love. Creativity can come in so many forms including art, music and language … encouraging creativity might support eczema children to shine!

Creativity can come in so many forms including art, music and language … encouraging creativity might support eczema children to shine!

Third achieving goals is a process. Key areas to consider are helping children set realistic but inspiring and meaningful goals, helping them plan how they will achieve their goals, time management and using a diary or calendar and importantly recognizing, counting and rewarding achievements is highly motivating!

Motivating an Eczema Child to take on a project despite the Constant Itch

Is there an approach the parent can take to motivate the child to be passionate about a project/ hobby or discovering his/ her area of interest?

Dr Rosina: It is not easy to be disciplined for kids or adults! A better way to think about it is to form healthy habits. For example, most people don’t mind brushing their teeth, or showering each day or putting on sleepwear before bed… these are all good habits – we just do these things without too much fuss. Perhaps parents of children with eczema could help their children develop their skin care as part of their daily routines and until it becomes a healthy habit.

It is true that a good habit or discipline in one area of life can be repeated in other areas, but not always! Some people are tidy in the office and messy at home for example! The key is to focus on routines and habits that would have the most benefit to children. For very young children, making up a fun song or game about skin care would help the development of a habit that has a ‘good feeling’ about it. Forcing or demanding will leave a bad feeling about the skin care routine which means children are less likely to want to do it.

Parents can be creative… sing a little tune and add words like:

Wash, wash, wash the itch away

Mois-tur-ise and go out to play

I love feeling clean and fresh I say

Soft, clean skin feels great all day!

I just wrote this one quickly – in the hope this gives parents an idea and some inspiration to be creative and make this routine fun! Perhaps parents can post their ideas on your blog site so everyone can share words and tunes! After all your blog is called eczema blues!

With respect to helping parents find what their children are passionate about – it’s best to start by asking the children what they might be interested in. If they don’t know, it’s try to expose children to a wide range of activities and parents and children will easily see which activities bring a twinkle in their eye and which they have an aptitude for.

Life Skills for our Children: Building Relationships

Home Environment

What the parent can do, despite the expansive efforts needed to manage eczema, to create a less stressful home environment?

Dr Rosina: I imagine that stress is not helpful for children who suffer eczema and that it might even aggravate their skin condition. There are many things parents can do to create a less stressful home environment but the most important is to S-L-O-W down. Hurrying yourself and your kids only adds to the stress and puts kids into fight or flight response where you are not able to reason with them.

I also think it is so important to take time out to play and relax. When parents or children are stressed they are much more reactionary and easy to anger. Proactively helping children learn to relax and to play would be a great support both physically and emotionally and reduce stress and anger in the home. It doesn’t take long – 10-15 mins a day. If you can’t manage that take 5 mins!

Is there an exercise that you think is suitable for eczema families to practice so that they can manage their anger and temper better and engage in more relaxing and loving communications with each other?

Dr Rosina: There are two aspects here: 1 is being able to play and relax which we talked about previously – don’t under estimate how important that is in relation to managing anger. If parents and children are relaxed and enjoying themselves they are less likely to anger in the first place. The second is then managing the anger – because it is a normal part of life to get angry form time to time! The key is whether we manage our anger in a way that is harmful to others and ourselves or whether we manage it in a positive way.

Life Skills for our Children: Career

What is the approach parents ought to take when helping (if we can!) our children figure out what to do in life?

Do parents need to identify the child’s interest or talent? Or do parents need to inculcate skill to learn and persevere in the child? Or should parents lower or increase their expectation of what one is even supposed to achieve in life?

Dr Rosina: In an ideal world … what is life for, if not to live, breathe and share your passion? And how wonderful to make a living from what one loves to do? Imagine if everyone looked deep into their heart and shared with the world their unique brilliance and earned their income from doing just that! The world would be a happier and more productive place.

Children have many years to explore and discover their life’s passion. Parents can play a part in this by asking lots of questions and encouraging their children to share their ideas and dreams.

Here are some ideas:

Ask your children to share with you what they love to do; what they would really like to try doing; what or who inspires them and any dreams they have for their life. Ask lots of questions and get them to tell you why they love those things/ dreams. If they are having difficulty thinking of something, tell them some of your dreams and why they make you happy. Help your children understand that you really want to know about their dreams and desires so you can support them, and where possible, do some of the things they love with them. Again, the twinkle in their eye and the smile on their face will let you know if they are tapping into their true heart’s desire.

Ask lots of questions and get your children to tell you why they love those things/ dreams.

It is also helpful to consider that people can pursue their passions as a hobby and not necessarily make money from them. This takes some of the pressure off. Having a full time career in something you are happy to do and earn money from and pursing your passion in your spare time might be just the work/life balance one needs to live a happy and fulfilled life!

The relationships that parents establish with their children from the time they are born will influence how they will interact and relate throughout their lives together.

MarcieMom: Dr Rosina, this statement you just made “relationships that parents establish with their children from the time they are born will influence how they will interact and relate throughout their lives together” brought tears to me – taking care of Marcie hasn’t been easy, eczema and without live-in maid/helper that is common in Singapore. Someone told me it’d all be worth it because the bond between us would be unbreakable, I do hope it’s true, right now, every night before we read stories at bedtime, my girl would just blurt out ‘I LOVE YOU MOMMY’ and give me a big kiss or a rub.

And I love you too, Dr Rosina, you are sincere, serious about inspiring kids, your passion has already spread to Singapore!